I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
