I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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