when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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