this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize