Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize