Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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