Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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