Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
