At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
