I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
