My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
