Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
