I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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