You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
