Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone came in the potted fern
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
