hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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