I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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