She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
