That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
