He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
