I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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