I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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