he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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