wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You don't make any sense
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