i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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