Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
