I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
