There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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