You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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