sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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