He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
