You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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