Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
