she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
