why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
