He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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