Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
