hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
false alarm, still single
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
