Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
