Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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