She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
