omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
