Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh god it's open bar.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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