it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
