So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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