If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
