You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
