Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
