Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
