that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize