Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
