allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
