alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
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