Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
