HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
