Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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