You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize