Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
