Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
