Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
