So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
