From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
