yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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