I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
