What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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