I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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