Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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